Where the Hell… part deux
Posted By ron on April 11, 2008
Before I continue with the story, check out my new bio page — just click up in the right corner — up a little higher, there you go — where it says “About Ron Chalice.” We’ll return after the word from our sponsor.
The story continues…
It never pays to be in a hurry. Before I get to the end of this page, you’ll probably hear that again. I have some allergies. Most are the normal kind, pollen, dust, nuclear waste and such. But then I’m also allergic to onions. Have you ever tried to AVOID ONIONS? Most of the time, I’m pretty good at it. I’m, uh, motivated. You see, onions make me stop breathing. Breathing is motivation — and after the last few months, not nearly as overrated as I thought it was.
So I’m in a hurry, coming out of one meeting and on my way to another. Yeah, you’ve been there. I pop in my work cafeteria and grab a sandwich, and yell at the deli guy. “This have any onions?”
“Nah, only the wraps. The sandwiches never do.”
One word in that response was very important, when taken in context. Never. They NEVER do.
I unwrapped it, opened the top just to be sure and — pause for suspense — what you you think I saw.
FRESH, JUICY, JUST-SLICED RED ONIONS!
So I did the smart thing. I took it back and told him to make me another one, from scratch. That’ll be the day. Remember, I’m late for a meeting here. A meeting about somebody’s television programs – can’t get much more important than that.
RIGHT!
So I take off the onions, and a couple of pieces of lettuce for good measure and take a bite.
(Did he really say TAKE A BITE? Your mind is wondering.) YES, I TOOK A BITE!
Did I tell you I was allergic to onions? Did I tell you I stop breathing?
So, what normal people do when they have an allergic reaction is to take antihistimines.
Did I tell you I was allergic to antihistimines?
(to be continued…)
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